Spoiler alert: I don’t like cleanses.
I knew this going in, but my boyfriend wanted to try it, and so to be a nice and supportive girlfriend, I participated. Don’t worry, it wasn’t some grapefruit diet, or maple syrup and cayenne pepper water, or cabbage soup kind of thing – it was basically just eat really healthy for a few days.
The “cleanse” consisted of a morning berry smoothie (with pea protein), a mid-morning vegetable smoothie, lunch (chicken or fish or tofu with vegetables and quinoa), a snack (almonds or something), dinner (same as lunch), and all the water you can drink. There was also the option of “snacking” on potassium broth, which is really just potato broth, which is one of the strangest tastes I’ve ever had.
Now here’s the challenge… I’ve been know to get hangry (so hungry that you become angry). And because I’m a fairly active person, I become hungry fairly often, and therefore become hangry on a daily basis. I knew this would not be easy. For either of us.
There was a lot of preparation and forethought involved in these three days. We had to prepare everything in advance, and make sure we would be available to eat at the assigned times. The biggest challenge for me was not snacking while I was waiting for things to be ready to eat.
The first day was fine. I was super hungry, but I survived.
The second day, I had to come home from work early because I was too hungry. I had very real fears that I would collapse and my stomach would begin consuming the rest of my body for nutrients. I was that hungry. So by day three I had incorporated real breakfast (an egg sandwich) into the equation.
With the exception of breakfast, I think the cleanse was pretty comprehensive – there were enough calories in there for a normal human being to survive for a few days. That human being wouldn’t be particularly happy (there was no chocolate in the cleanse), but they’d be alive. So I don’t know why I felt so hungry all of the time. Maybe it was knowing that I couldn’t eat whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. All I did was think about food. Even writing this now, I’m getting hungry.
Long story short, cleanses aren’t for me. I’m going to eat a sandwich now.